I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
