i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
