They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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