I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
