the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
