it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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