my soul wont recognize me after tonight
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
