been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
