Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize