I need to stop coming to work sober
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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