When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pants are for mortals
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
