Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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