Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
