So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
