is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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