some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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