I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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