I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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