i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
