If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize