I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
