Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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