Jerry, you need to find god
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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