Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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