Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
