Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
