oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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