It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
