your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
two words...techno handjob
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
