You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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