I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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