I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
