is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
