Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
