it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
