Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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