hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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