you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
