you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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