Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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