and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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