??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Small penises have feelings too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
