I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
