if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize