Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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