4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize