i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
