If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
