I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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