im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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