Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
