I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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