You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
