I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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