Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We just shotgunned beers for America
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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