Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
