After last night, I could never be a politician.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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