Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
