I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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