I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
