I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
