Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
