Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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